I sometimes have difficulty with the phrase: " I'm sorry...".
People often use the phrase in an apologetic way... in a way that suggests that they cannot change a state of things or the outcome of choices. It also suggests that some form of guilt has been assumed and that responsibility has been taken for an emotional "something" going on in another's life. In these circumstances, the words seem insincere, and suggest that the person made a choice to do something or not, from a state of unawareness.They made a choice which THEY regret, and they believe it affected me and, now, they are trying to smooth over their own guilt and fears by apologizing. It has nothing to do with how I feel, but how THEY feel...It is THEY who are living with the regret, not me... I have my own feelings about what has occurred and they do not know what they are and I will deal with that which is mine. If the choice is made from awareness, and the knowingness that everything is perfect, then there is no need to apologize. It was a choice without stigma... it is as simple as that !
Sometimes, " I'm sorry.." is used in an empathetic way, but this seems inappropriate as it implies that an emotional alignment with another exists when, usually, the empathizer is only "feeling bad for them..". There is no real emotional alignment occurring unless a person deeply connects with the feelings of the other, and not every one does that. Feeling " bad " for another simply does not accomplish anything, except the feeler participates in their drama and prolongs or deepens it. Wouldn't it be better to comfort them in another way ?? In a positive, supportive way?? And why apologize for something that does not involve you or is beyond your control ??
If someone says to me, " I'm sorry " it has many implications in my mind. It suggests that I cannot take care of or have not taken responsibility for my own feelings. It suggests that they KNOW what I am feeling when, very likely, they do not. It suggests that their words can somehow clear up my discomfort. If that is the desire, talk to me, and find out what is going on with me, otherwise the words are empty. People often use the phrase.. " I'm sorry to hear that bla... bla... bla... " and my thought is: " Oh really ?? Guess I shouldn't have told you.." For myself, I have chosen to use the words "I apologize for.." or "I'm saddened to hear... " which seem to convey the message I really want to give... that of stating how I feel about an experience.....
A number of years ago, Erich Segal wrote a novel, "Love Story", which contained a great truth.... " Love is never having to say you are sorry..." Think about this~~ Love... when it is pure and unconditional... is perfect in action or non-action. Love that comes from the heart truth, will never create anything where there is regret or any other negative feelings and therefore, no apologies are ever necessary... How wonder full.... ♥ ♥ ♥
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