Forgiveness...

In my mind, there are two kinds of forgiveness... forgiving one self and forgiving others. Actions or non-actions which carry the stigma of emotional self judgment/ regrets or trauma require self forgiveness in order to release, resolve, and heal one's self. Living in pain and suffering are choices that we make, and when we decide to change our lives and face our pain, we need to forgive ourselves for holding on to the pain. Pain places great limitations on how we view life and how we live, so, forgiving ourselves for robbing our lives of joy is a necessary part of healing. There are no victims.. we are only victims of ourselves, because it is our choice to take on / believe / accept pain as our reality.
Forgiving others is a matter of perspective... If we hold grudges, feel wronged or have the belief the others can cause pain in us, then forgiving others is a necessary part of healing. The greater truth is that no one can cause emotional pain in another person. If some one says something about us or to us that is negative and detracts from one's self, then the "normal" reaction is to blame them for those negative feelings that arise from within. These come from our own sense of self... no where else. It is how we feel about OUR SELVES that creates the pain. In this sense, the other person is a great teacher of ours and is offering a gift of insight... they are simply holding a mirror so that we can see what is within our selves. We then have a choice to heal our self or not... We should be aware that we do not have to accept what is said about us, as it is only their perception of us that they are commenting on. If the comment is accepted, personalized, and internalized, then the result is pain. We make that choice.
I wonder about people asking for forgiveness... The words " forgive me.. " seem to be for the asker not for the receiver of the request. They have regrets about something and want me to condone their action, non-action, what was said or whatever they are feeling guilty or responsible for. Therefore, asking for forgiveness comes from a need of the asker to feel better about themselves, and does not have anything to do with the other person. Each person goes through own processes of forgiving others and themselves and it is internal to them and them alone. Each person is unique in their own understanding of the outside world and the events therein, especially the emotional aspects of it. A person asking for forgiveness is coming from their own interpretation of an event and not that of the person being asked.
So, what does asking for forgiveness mean ?? Forgive me for making you feel bad?? Forgive me for what I did?? Forgive me for ...??? These carry the energy of judgments and assumptions, because it is difficult to know and understand what the other person's experience is, unless they tell you. Even then, there is a personal bias.. what is really true ?? What is a greater truth ?? So, from both sides, forgiver and the forgiven, it all seems to come back to self forgiveness... Therefore, I suggest, do not ask for forgiveness of another.. they will forgive in their own time and it is selfish to ask them to deal with your stuff... deal with your own self and give yourself the love and healing that you need. Love is forgiving your self and others... Love is for giving to your self and others... These responsibilities are yours and yours alone....